Thursday, October 15, 2020

Phantosmia isn't just the name of a potential Drag Race contestant

It's also the clinical term for olfactory hallucinations. And I've been choking in a cloud of hallucinatory cigarette smoke for almost a month now.

It gets so bad that I swear it's coating my throat and I almost start to gag. It feels so pervasive that I swear it's soaking deep into my skin like I've just emerged from spending the night in a smoky bar. (Remember when people used to smoke in bars? Remember when they suddenly couldn't anymore and bars slowly became more and more breathable as the stink dissipated and you didn't have to give yourself Silkwood showers every time you got home?)

And it's so everywhere that I've incorporated easily accessible cans of room spray almost permanently into our home décor. Which barely masks the odor, but it at least helps a little.
It may or may not be a side effect of my bipolar meds. It may or may not be a symptom of my bipolar disorder itself. It doesn't appear on any list of side effects I've seen for covid. And it may just be a stand-alone add-on to the pile of weird things about me.

And it doesn't at all appear to be concerning to my doctors, who have repeatedly shrugged it off.

Weirdly, while my mood stabilizers have left me EXTREMELY chill about covid, politics, the derecho and the state of the world in general, this inescapable cloud of cigarette smoke is really beating me down emotionally. I barely leave the house if I don't absolutely have to.

But I've read that people's phantosmia can manifest itself in clouds of feces, decaying meat and sour body odor. So choking on cigarette smoke 24/7 feels in comparison like I won the lottery.

I had these hallucinations for a month back in March and April and they eventually went away. So I'm counting on that happening again. In the mean time, if you're ever near me I'm going to look at you like you're a big stupid insane liar if you say you can't smell all the thick cigarette smoke around us that's so real it's making me gag.

Also: Don't smoke in real life. It's gross. And bad for you. Listen to your Uncle Jake on this.

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